Adventure Time: Hot to the Touch - Wow

I know I havent posted in a while, but I had to share.

That was the most adult episode of a children's cartoon on Cartoon Network I've seen in years...

not like "dirty" adult, 

emotionally adult.

It was strangely poetic...

Really makes you think. 

Finn and Flame Princess kinda like each other, but because of who they are. Or rather who SHE is. They are constantly hurting each other.

Yes, I am aware that I am an adult talking about the plot of a children's show. I am going to sound sill.

Her flames burn bright when feeling emotional, but destroys everything because she can't control her emotions and feelings. And burns Finn. And she's completely oblivious. To the harm she does..

Finn puts the fires out out of reflex, but that physically hurts her. So every time he tries to show emotion, it confuses her.

Then she goes on a burning rampage. So if he saves people, he's HURTING her.

Talk about finally taking kids seriously with good story telling!

Just think about it. When you take away the childish parts of dialogue, ignore the style and design of the world and characters, you have the plot of what could be a very real adult drama.

Two people want to make things work.
But one is over emotional and hurts people without realizing it. The other causes her confusion and pain whenever he tries to fix things.
He wants things to work, but her way of destroying things because of her emotions and actions just doesnt allow it.
He ends up questioning and risking his responsibilities to do whats right, all for a possible chance with a girl that he cares for, and wants to like him back.

All for that one chance.

Seriously, this plot is like a summary of a novel you read for an English class.

The ending was kinda bitter sweet...

reminded me a bit of high school. Only my situations never involved mutual feelings.

you know, you like a girl alot, but you can never be together because of who she is and what she does? 

Yeah, we all had those....

Art Direction was excellent as ever. It showed intricacy despite the minimalist style of the show.
And of course the dialogue had the excellent mix of silly and reality.

Its going to be a good season this year.

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: A "Holy Sh**" Review.

Wow... its been a while since my last movie review post... like a LONG while. College will do that.

But since its 2012, I thought "Hey, the world's going to end soon. Might as well get back to what I started"

Thing is, not sure if I'll be able to have the time like I used to have to write reviews. So I'm thinking of switching to video. Just hope I can put up with talking to a camera.

So what movie did I see? The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the American Interpretation.

Now yes, a friend of mine told me "Dude, you got trolled, the Swedish version is better". Well, true. I haven't seen the original, nor have I read the book. Or its sequels (or prequels if you want to be specific). However, I do plan on seeing the original, but I saw this first so that when I DO see the original, I wont worry about missed subtitles.

Before we get into the story, we should discuss the intro. It start with an old man making a call about a mysterious package that apparently has been coming repeatedly in the mail. Then we get the most metal music video intro EVER with version of Led Zeppelin's The Immigrant Song by Karen O with Trent Reznor and Atticus Rose. The imagery uses a lot of ink, black oil, and C.G.I. So it kind of serves a purpose of "shocking" the viewer into the story, rather than easing them in. And that theme goes out through out the movie. In the film, there is a trend of silent, quiet scenes, followed by the most intense sh** you've ever seen (well, if you haven't seen A Serbian Film).

Now to the story. The film follows our protagonist, Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig), a journalist who has just walked out of court, being sued for libel due to a article he wrote on a billion dollar company. He lost. His life consists of an ongoing affair with his publisher, and trouble talking to his daughter who has found religion.

Add glasses, and your automatically convinced they are playing a writer.

He is hired by Henrik Vanger, a retired CEO, to handle a delicate matter. Under the guise of doing a memoir on Henrik, he is actually hired to try and investigate the disappearance of his niece, an event that happened 40 years ago. Henrik is convinced that she was killed, despite no body being found. He also believes a member of his family is responsible.

However, before Mikael is hired, Henrik's people at Milton Security do a thorough background check on him. Enter our next protagonist: Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara).  Researcher and a bad ass computer hacker.

How bad ass of a computer hacker? Put it this way, every scene she has a computer, I was thinking Jolie from Hackers. 

Yes. That bad ass.

Lisbeth is a twenty three year old ward of the state, due to being deemed mentally incompetent. Her personality is asocial, and is very angry at times, but within reason. She is a woman with a mysterious past, and only had one guardian that she cared for and visited. However, when her guardian suffers from a stroke, her life becomes much more harder, becoming a victim and overcoming it.

What I like about the film is the fact that the two character's don't meet until about half way through the movie. Instead of having them team up right away, we get a valid look into each of their lives, so the style of parallel stories in the first half really does build characterization.

The mystery of the disappearance is truly the style of an old murder drama set on a much larger scale. Instead of "one of the hotel guests was the murderer", its "someone on this island is the murderer."  The film does get quiet and suspenseful at only a few moments, but they are done REALLY well. As someone who didn't know the story, I was really happy that I never knew what was going to happen next.

The acting was amazing. Every scene involving Mikael interviewing a family member always gives off a sense of suspicion. No one is obviously guilty, and yet there is still an air of conviction about them.

The casting was also just perfect for each character. Daniel Craig does an excellent job of being the eyes of the audience as well as being a character. However, his performance is really out shined by Rooney Mara.

Holy freaking **** this girl mesmerized me, right when you see her for the first time. And no, its not because of the piercings and goth look. I've been around a few people to get used to that. It was the way the character... felt. She felt distant, and yet like you knew her. She was strong, and yet gave a sense of vulnerability.

That's why the pairing of these two characters work. You see the mystery through Mikael, while you feel with Lisbeth through HER ordeals.

I gotta make a comment on Rooney Mara's transformation. This is what she looked like before:

This is after:

This is before:

This is after:

Like I said, holy sh**. Talk about dedication. 

From Audrey Hepburn look-a-like, to a Hot Topic wet dream.

And this girl REALLY made a big jump in her career with this role and showed her acting talent. She went from being the love interest girl from The Social Network, and the screaming girl from the horrible Nightmare on Elm Street remake, to this role, which demands a lot from an actress. You have to play an independent rebel, a rape victim, be Swedish, and try to be convincing all at the same time.

Now, the events in this movie isn't exactly... for the squeamish. Or the prudish for that matter. There is a constant sex motif in the film, mainly in the forms of rape and affairs. Keep in mind, the original title was Män som hatar kvinnor, "Men who hate women". The story constantly revolves around the victimization of women, both physically, and in the end emotionally. You really feel it through Lisbeth's character, and what is true in society. Yes, men will say that sex is use by women as a weapon to bribe. But don't forget: Men also use sex as a weapon, and sadly, it's to inflict pain, and feel powerful. However, sex can also be used to feel comfort. Like all things, the issue of sex has it's duality.


The only thing I didn't like about the story: how it ended. I mean... wow. Given all the rape and murder and... more rape, you kinda hoped it ended on a better note.

Now all that's left for me to do is compare it to the original version.

And Rooney just became a new crush. Seriously, the girl can pass for Hepburn... that's awesome.

Conan the Barbarian: Really "Conan the Scorpion King of Persia among 300 with the Mummy""

After viewing Colombiana, a much better film, I decided to try Conan: The Barbarian.


I thought, "Hey, the original was silly in a good way, maybe this remake will also be silly in a good way. Maybe it wont be silly."

That was a HUGE misconception. This film is what I like to call "Hollywood Cheese". This was made to try and look as epic as possible for a trailer, and then added a title to a cult classic to get attention.

THIS is what we were promised... Oh the Glory...

Now I kinda get the whole "re-imagining of the mythology" excuse, but that doesn't fly with me. If you're going to make a Conan movie without it being related to the other Conan movies, then DONT CALL THE MOVIE CONAN. DONT NAME THE MAIN CHARACTER CONAN.

THAT MAN IS NOT ME!!!!!

I'll admit, the way Conan is born is kind of bad ass, but then they kind of up the ante by making 12 year old Conan kill about 4 demon-like geronimos. That's.... kinda much. I mean, the origin was OKAY..... but then the whole movie started taking itself too seriously with its testosterone filled manliness.

Yes, I have muscles, and I scowl... there for me am MAN.

And I'm not kidding about the "testosterone filled manliness." I mean the formula is pretty basic: He gets a mean look on his face, he does something bad-ass for a short period, says something that tries to sound like "clever" badass, rinse and repeat.

It LITERALLY tried to re-invent itself as the new Conan, and failed.

THEY ONLY MENTION CROM ONCE! ONCE!!!! It wasnt even in saying something awesome, it was just Ron Perlman saying "By Crom boy, what are you waiting for?"

By Crom, not even Ron Perlman's awesome-ness couldn't save this move.

... Thats it. That's as much call back to the original as it gets. As the REAL Conan would say, "To hell with you." No mention of snakes, no creepy cult, no discussion of "what is best in life".

The villains failed to be as awesome as Thulsa Doom. Whoever that actor was, he needs to work on being... memorable. Not type casted...

First the blue cat people, then, THE WORLD

The summary of the villain in the whole movie can be put in his own quote in the film: "I don't like you anymore!"

As for the villain's daughter.. well.. i guess having an evil sorceress made sense... but still.. cheesy..

Don't be fooled, this isn't Christina Ricci being Wednesday Adams... although might as well be...

And the whole weird vibe of... ugh... the sorceress daughter wanting to "be the wife" the the conqueror father kinda... creeped me out.. But I guess incest isnt frowned upon in this universe of Conan.

"Dont worry, people do that in this time"

Look, the reason why the original Conan was good was because it played out as a kind of play, without taking itself too seriously. The cinematography was good, and sure the effects was a bit cheesy and obviously fake, but thats what made it fun! That's what made it as memorable as movies like the first Never Ending Story, Labyrinth, even The freaking Muppets Take Manhattan.

This new "Conan" was just another of a long line of over produced action movies hoping to be the next thing remembered for decades. And... its not.

Hell, I dont even remember the name of the love interest. Only that she's... a pure-blood or something... which made me wish I was re-watching Harry Potter. She was just a pretty love interest with an English accent who liked to charmingly argue and or flirt with the hero.

You, sir, are an arrogant brutish ape... and yet...

Wait... I have seen this character before... The pure spirited love interest... a charm coming from a high class "strong woman" attitude... an accent that has nothing to relate to the setting or time period..

In Conan her name was Tamara now that I googled......

Tamara.... 

TAMINA! YOUR KIDDING! THEY RIPPED OFF THE PRINCESS FROM PRINCE OF PERSIA!

Yes, we've seen this before....

Ugh... They ripped of Prince of Persia, Scorpion King, the freaking sand monsters were from The Mummy, the fights were from some gladiator movie... 

See, you KNOW its hollywood cheese when the writing and movie elements were OBVIOUSLY taken from other movies of the same genre. If it was subtle, its forgivable, but, in ever aspect of my closing statement, this movie lacks any subtlety. 

Colombiana: The Professional 2?

I am a Luc Besson fan.

When I was a kid, I was just getting into movies. And I watched a crap ton. Then I saw an amazing film. Sure it came out in 1994, so it was kinda old when I saw it, but it was still awesome. The Professional. Also known as Leon. 

And this is also where I started my crush on Natalie Portman (I was a kid, she was a kid in the film, and she is 8 years older than me. So its NOT creepy).

This movie was more than just Portman's onscreen debut; it was an amazingly done film, with perfect cinematography, some of the best action scenes, great acting from Jean Reno and Gary "Awesome" Oldman (especially from Portman. Her first film, and she can emote as if she was acting longer than fricken Meryl Streep). And the story is amazing.

A quick sum up of The Professional: An Italian hitman named Leon (Jean Reno) is considered the best there is. He lives next door to a family; a member of which is a little girl named Matilda (Natalie Portman), who is the target of abuse by not only her father, but her stepmother and half sister. The only one she loves is her little brother. However, her crook father tried to hide some drugs from some crooked DA detectives, the leader being a psychotic detective called Stansfield (Gary Oldman). Stansfield kills the whole family, including the little brother, while Matilda is away and manages to find refuge next door by Leon, the hitman. She requests to be trained since she cant pay him to kill them. Action ensues, and a relationship develops.

This movie became my favorite film, and thus, Luc Besson became one of my favorite writer/directors. The man is responsible for the cult classic The Fifth Element, as well as many other great movies like The Transporter, La Femme Nikita, Kiss of the Dragon, Unleashed,  and more recently, Taken.

Now, when you watch a Besson film, you know it. And his newest written piece is Colombiana. While not directed by Besson, much like Taken wasnt, I have to say, it was good. The story is basically about a  little girl, Catalaya, who (kinda) sees her parents being killed due to involvment with a drug car-tel in Colombia. She escapes and finds her way to her uncle and Chicago, and grows up to be a great professional assassin (hit-woman?) while also persuing the people responsible for her family's death.

This stars Zoe Saldana, who is slowly being known as the next Halle Berry.

The movie does have its moments of predictability, but still pumps out the cool of a good revenge flick.

Not only that, but it also conveys what the main character has to sacrifice even MORE. You can understand why she may believe she has nothing to lose in the beginning, but as you watch more of the story, it's shown that she STILL has a lot to lose.

The film also has alot of fun symbolism play especially with the orchids, and every character has a certain depth. Well, accept for a couple villains.

The love scenes are kind of... sporadic, giving a sense of certain scenes being just fanservice since, lets face it, Saldana IS well on her way to being the next Halle Berry.

However, stay calm feminists, she never goes full frontal. The love scenes, and the very short shower scene, are still tastefully shot with the camera work. So it doesn't down-grade her character by showing her as an attractive woman.

Hell, a good part of the story builds BECAUSE she is female, and is one of the main reasons why cops were mislead in the first place.

My favorite part of the whole film is the constant call back to the professional.

This to me seemed like what Besson would have done if the story of The Professional was writtin slightly differently and continued. Think about it. In the film starring Portman, she is a little girl who loses everything due to a drug thing, and is taken in by a sympathetic assassin. In Colombiana, a little girl also loses everything due to a drug thing, and is also (kinda) taken in by an assassin. The key difference being two points in these character's lives.

In The Professional, Leon regretfully agrees to help Matilda learn the "basics" of being a hitman, however, she grows to love Leon like a new father figure, and both of their love for one another (the appropraite kind of love people) was able to help Matilda through her trauma, and Leon takes revenge for her anyway when she was in danger.

In Colombiana, Cataleya never really gets over her trauma. She is taught how to kill, yes, but she actually goes through with the business, so far so that it swallows up her morality and judgement all together. She was shown love, but shuns it all away for revenge. Unlike in The Professional the antagonists responisble for her parents death were in hiding and survive into her years as an adult. 

There were other call backs, like how the Cataleya character dresses, as shown above. The scene where her Uncle randomly shoots in the street vaguelly reminds me of when Matilda does the same.

Aside from all the references, it was a good story well told. I went to see a Besson film, and was satisfied, and Besson proves that an assassin film is always entertaining. The film really portrays how even though you want revenge so badly, bad enough to a point where you work outside justice, its sometimes best to let things go and appreciate what you survived with.

...but.... I would LOVE to see Natalie Portman reprise her role as Matilda.

Dark Knight Rises: Bane - Origin and Opinion

In case the people that watched the Dark Knight trailer didn’t know, the chanting near the end,

“BANE,BANE MÁTALO! MÁTALO! BANE,BANE MÁTALO! MÁTALO!”

Means “BANE, BANE KILL HIM! KILL HIM! BANE, BANE KILL HIM! KILL HIM!”

SO! We may expect some huge fight between Bane and Batman, in front of a crowd. This makes sense since in the comics Bane is a luchador. 

To give brief background, Bane was literally raised from practically birth inside the prisons of the fictional country of Santa Prisca, because his father, a revolutionary, fled the courts and escaped. So, it was decreed that his son (Bane) would finish the life sentence for him. 

He  found teachers in the prison that ranged from hardcore killers (he committed his first murder at the age of 8, always concealing a knife in his teddy bear), to an elderly priest that gave him a "classical education" (much like Edmond Dantes did if you ever read/watched The Count of Monte Cristo). 

He was chosen as a test subject for an experimental steroid-like drug called Venom, which he succeeds in surviving. The drug increases his muscle mass and strength of the already strong body builder by at least 10 fold. The drawbacks of the drug were that it had to be fed into his brain, and it was highly addictive, causing massive pain if not recieving dosages every 12 hours. He escapes prison when he hears of the Batman and deduces that he is his only true challenge.

So we can expect him to be……

Okay maybe not that one….

Please God no…. for the love of Crom…

well…. that’s what was SUPPOSED to be him…

But we have…

Not exactly “Luchador”.. but whatever….

This can also mean TWO possible outcomes.

1. Batman of course will win despite the odds being against him, and I do mean pretty big odds…

or 2:

As true to the comics, Bane will break Batman’s Back…

And then of course Batman recovers, and finds a way to beat him, now knowing that he should aim for the Venom tubes, blah blah info already known.

Personally, I do have high hopes for Bane being used as a character for the movie, because I REALLY don’t want the movie to be bad…

The reason why the movies Batman Begins and Dark Knight were so good was because it stayed in the realm of plausibility.

For all we know, there COULD be a society of assassins headed by Liam Neeson in the mountains. And yes, i can believe that a homicidal psychopath can cause havoc while hiding in clown make-up. 


Did John Wayne Gacy’s existence prove nothing?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the first Joker. Before Ceasar Romero and Jack Nicholson…

But when you tell me that Bane was chosen, my mind goes back to Schumacher and… and…..

No….

Noooooo….

NOOOOO NOOO NOOOOOOOO! BAT-CREDIT CARD??? NOOOOOOOOO!

ahem..*shudders*

Look, we know that villains that can increase muscle mass in seconds dont exist. Much like freeze guns. And someone thinking using plastic muscles with bat-nipples was a good idea. 

So, all I am saying is that I hope this movie would make something good with the source material it chooses. Some comic-book fans might hate it. Some might not. But hey, it was good the first time, and AMAZING the second. So why not the third.